The Nightmare Continues

My mom is still in ICU. Still on the ventilator, still fighting to survive.

On Tuesday morning the family received a phone call that she'd taken a turn for the worse. We all rushed to the hospital. Somehow I was the first to arrive. Mommy's doctor was with her, he told me how sorry he was; she was worse; her organs seemed to be shutting down. Once again my sisters and I lived through the nightmare of losing my mother.

My sisters all started arriving, one had brought my dad in with her. My heart broke for him. He and Mommy have been married for 60 years. He hugged all of us and stayed the trooper that he always is and always has been for us. It was a day of tears and fear. Daddy never left Mommy's room, he sat by her side and we all took turns going in and sitting with him.

Calling Chrissy, my daughter, was heart breaking for me. I didn't want to have to tell her what was happening to her 'Grandma Weezie'. If I didn't say the words, maybe it wasn't true. She took the news as I expected she would and also as expected, was a tremendous comfort to me.

Once again the risk manager for the hospital was called to be with the family. She told us, once again, how sorry she was and how hard Mommy had fought over the past two weeks. She once again tried to prepare us for the end.

Ministers from the Presbyterian and Baptist churches stopped by that day for visits. We all prayed and prepared ourselves what seemed to be the inevitable.

That night, Mommy was still hanging on. She was still fighting.

I prayed, knew that God's will would be done. I was afraid that he was ready for her, though. I wasn't ready for him to take her but prayed that I'd be given the strength to accept it. But, I told God that if he wasn't ready for her, then he should restore her health. I found out later that three of my sisters prayed the same prayer.

Since Tuesday, she continues to take 'baby steps' toward improvement. She's still not out of the woods but we're cautiously optimistic.

The ventilator has been slowly reduced from 100% to 40%. Her oxygen levels remain between 94 and 98%. The right lung that had collapsed has reinflated and the tube has been removed. The left lung is healing and no longer needs to be suctioned. Except for occasional instances, her heart rate is good and blood pressure remains stable. She's not fevered. When she opens her eyes, they appear more clear than previously.

Prayers are being heard and answered for her healing. I watch and wait. I am thankful for each 'baby step' she takes but am not celebrating, yet.

The celebration will come when I am able to once again have a conversation with my mom.

Nothing is routine

Over the past year, my mom has been having mammograms every six months to follow up on something that was showing up on the tests. Her doctor didn't think there was anything to worry about but suggested a biopsy just to be sure. The procedure was scheduled Wednesday, June 11. I took the day off work to go with her and my dad because she told me she didn't want him waiting by himself. We checked in and waited for Mommy to be called. When she went back to the room where they do the procedure, Daddy and I just hung out and waited. After about an hour I went to the desk and asked the people there if they could get me an update or find out how much longer it was going to be before her testing was done. They called to the back rooms, didn't get an answer and said they must be finishing up, probably would only be about 10 more minutes or so. Daddy had walked outside so I went and found him to give him the update and after a little while he and I decided to go in as Mommy should be done. As we came down the hallway, we saw Mommy's doctor. He told us that Mommy had passed out when they were finishing the procedure, he didn't know what caused that and was probably going to keep her in the hospital over night to watch her. Said they'd moved her to ER and we could go to the waiting room there. Then all hell broke loose. When they did the biopsy, the needle nicked a blood vessel. She was bleeding inside and they'd inserted a tube to drain the blood and thought the bleeding would stop. Within a short time, they were doing x-rays and CT scans and saw the bleeding wasn't stopping and she was getting worse. Her blood pressure dropped to a very critical stage, her heart was in distress.....they had to perform emergency surgery to stop the bleeding but couldn't wait for her vitals to be stable. Everything was a blur, my mind was in a fog. At some point I was able to contact my sisters and get them to the hospital. A risk manager for the hospital was finding a room where we could wait. They asked her to bring us to the hallway so we could see Mommy as they quickly got her to surgery, and then 'no', we were told to go out to the hall by the elevator they'd be using to get to surgery, and then 'no', bring the family in to the room to see her before they went to surgery. We walked in the room and there had to have been thirty medical professionals in there. They all stepped back and let us by the bed. I knew, then, that they didn't think Mommy was going to survive the surgery. Her doctor came out after the surgery and told us they did get the bleeding stopped. He told us all the things that could be wrong, though. Kidneys, heart, lungs, liver and possible brain damage. He cried as he told us. At some point they told us they would be moving her to ICU and once she was settled in we could see her. Again, her doctor tried to prepare us for what we'd see. He told us she was swollen, there were several IVs and tubes and that she was on a ventilator. None of us were prepared. The woman in that bed looked nothing like our mother. She was so swollen. It was just impossible to believe everything that had happened to her since that morning. I don't know what time I finally took my Dad home; I stayed with him that night. I don't think any of us thought she'd survive the night and no one wanted Daddy home alone.

The last eleven days have been exhausting--both physically and emotionally. Mommy is still on the ventilator and she's being kept sedated. We all keep visiting. We keep talking to her, willing her to keep fighting and letting her know that so many people are praying for her recovery.

I have days where it's hard to remain strong. After the initial shock of everything, the first weak day came last week when I expected Mommy to be able to come off the ventilator. When it didn't happen, it was very depressing and disappointing. The second one came yesterday when they said a section of her right, upper lung had collapsed and they had to insert yet another tube to reinflate it.

Today they tell us the lung is reinflated. They tell us her vitals are stable. They tell us they are getting her lungs healed and strong so she can come off the ventilator.

It's been a nightmare. I won't quit fighting for her. Even though she's sedated and I only see her eyes every now and again, I believe she knows and hears me encouraging her to keep fighting. I believe she hears when I sing her favorite hymn to her. She hears when I tell her that God is helping her get well. She hears when I talk to her about her flowers and hummingbirds. She hears when I tell her about Anya and Gideon and about Chrissy making strawberry jam.

I don't know why this happened to her. I pray constantly for her healing, as I know so many others are.

I am praying for the simple pleasure of sitting on Mommy and Daddy's porch, having a quiet conversation with them over a cup of coffee while we watch the hummingbirds dart around their feeders.

Way to Go, Jr!

Finally......after 76 winless races, Dale, Jr. won today in Michigan. I have been waiting and watching, cheering him on each and every race. Today, he was in victory lane. Jr. Nation is basking in the victory.

He ran out of fuel just as he crossed the finish line, his crew pushed him and the 88 car to victory lane. Since the win was a team effort, I thought it was an appropriate way for Jr. and his crew to celebrate.

The fans in the stands were roaring. It didn't appear that anyone was leaving the track. Guess everyone wanted to linger and help celebrate his victory.

So, he breaks his winless streak on Father's Day. Wonder if his daddy was his drafting partner and giving him a little push today?

After the past couple years, it was good to see him so happy.

On to the Championship! Way to go, Jr.!

Misadventures in baby sitting

My niece and nephew (and their spouses) will probably think twice before they ask me to sit with their little ones in the future.

They were all attending a wedding and needed a sitter for their children. Stacey and Tom have two; Brandi is 12 years old and Ian is 6. Joe and Tess have two girls; Janie, 6, and Josie, 2. When they asked if I'd be available and willing to watch my great nieces and nephew, of course I said 'yes'. Great opportunity to spend time with the kids and fill some of the void from missing my own two grand kids. My sister told me she was so relieved her grandkids would be in the care of someone she knew would take good care of them. (That's as important to grandparents as it is to parents.)

The moms and dads headed off and the kids and I settled in for a day of fun. Although the temperature in SW PA was in the 90's, we still headed outside to play in the yard. I hooked the sprinkler to the garden hose, dressed the kids in their bathing suits, slathered them with sunscreen and headed out so they could play and cool off. The three little ones ran and jumped through the sprinkler, played on the swings, raced down the slide and just had fun being kids. Brandi and I just stood back and watched but managed to get splashed every now and again. At one point I noticed Janie swinging higher than I thought safe. I was just about to say, "Janie, don't swing so high" when BOOM---she was on the ground. I ran over, picked her up and just cuddled her for a while. I thought she'd slipped off the swing because of her wet bathing suit but she told me she was jumping off like she always does. Unfortunately, she landed on her arm. I had her wiggle her fingers and rotate her wrist and since everything was moving the way it should, figured it was fine and maybe she'd sprained it when she fell.

We all spent the rest of the day blowing bubbles, watching barges go up and down the Monongahela river, watching geese and their babies swim by, flagging down the ice cream man for a treat and playing whatever games they came up with. I found 'shooter weeds' and taught them all how to shoot them and showed them how to put a broad blade of grass between their thumbs and make a whistle by blowing on it.

Janie participated in everything but I noticed she wasn't using her arm that she'd fallen on. I asked several times if it hurt and she said it didn't. I made an ice pack and tried to get her to hold it on her wrist but she preferred to eat the ice instead. Typical kid.

When their parents came home, all the little ones were asleep. I told them about Janie's accident and they checked her wrist and thought it might be a sprain.

Needless to say, I was concerned about Janie. I was awake early Sunday morning and just watched the clock until I thought it was a decent time to call my sister's house to see how Janie was doing.

Joe and Tess took Janie to a Med Xpress late Sunday morning. Her wrist has a small fracture. Right now she has a splint and the doctor said they could wait until they were back home in North Carolina for the cast but they're going to take care of it while they're here. Janie told me she thinks it's pretty neat that she got to pick out a purple cast.

Needless to say, I feel just awful. First that it happened on my watch and second that I didn't call them and have them come home from the wedding as soon as it happened.

At no point has anyone said anything to lead me to believe they blame me for Janie's accident or that they think I was neglectful. I've been harder on myself than anyone could ever be over this.

I've always been very watchful when little ones are in my care and have been babysitting since I was 12 years old. Won't say how many years that's been. Having raised a rambunctious and energetic little girl, I know accidents happen. I prefer they don't happen on 'my watch'.

I think in the future, if I'm the sitter, we'll sit on the couch with pillows all around us. Boring, but surely that will prevent any accidents!

The Stanley Cup

OK--I won't pretend to know anything about hockey. I've never been a hockey fanatic. But, I've been watching the championship games and now the Cup games. I'm watching for one reason and one reason only, the Pens are in it. Being from SW PA, I'm supporting the Pittsburgh team. Things have been rough for the Pens since the early 1990's. The team has faced bankruptcy and the possibility of leaving Pittsburgh for some other city. At one point in time, they were so bad they couldn't even pull 10,000 people to a game. Now 10,000 people are sitting outside the Mellon Arena watching them play on a big outdoor screen while the Arena is filled to capacity.

The turn around started when the Pens were fortunate enough to draft the very young Syd the Kid; the youngest captain a team ever had. A majority of the Pens are still young pups. So here they are, playing for the major prize against guys they grew up worshipping. Some of these kids were born the year some of their opponents started their careers. That's got to leave them awestruck.

However the series ends, these kids have done well. Hopefully they'll be able to carry it in to the future. Afterall, the city of Pittsburgh is tearing down the arena and building them a new home. My biggest concern about this, though---Pittsburgh imploded Three Rivers Stadium and gave the Pirates a fancy, new house. The Pirates haven't had a winning season since. Not like the magic they had playing at Three Rivers. They're not pulling fans to the park. But then, they don't have Clemente in right field.

On a positive note, the Steelers have done wonderful in their new home at Heinz Field. Win or lose, Pittsburgh is a football town and the fans support them. Except if the player is the quarterback and the 'Stiller's' lost.

I wish the Pens luck. I'll watch them throughout the series as long as they aren't playing opposite a NASCAR race. I hope the winning streak continues because that new house has to be paid for.

A 'Bitter' Pennsylvanian

Obama's words.......“bitter” Pennsylvania voters “cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren’t like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations.”

On April 22, Pennsylvania will hold its primary election. According to Obama, I'll walk in to my polling place toting my gun and bible. After all, I am a frustrated, bitter voter. I do own a bible; don't own a gun even though the second amendment gives me the right to do so. And yes, I'm against illegal immigration and feel our borders should be more secure. I'm also against trading goods with countries that abuse workers and export products that endanger the lives and safety of consumers. Especially when our children are brokenhearted when their favorite toy is thrown out because it's a possible health threat.

Obama's sorry IF he offended us with his poor choice of words. How about he's sorry for being an elitist?

Pennsylvania's vote generally leans toward the Democrats. If jobs and industry are leaving, who is at fault?

Hopefully, when the citizens of Pennsylvania vote next Tuesday, Obama's insults won't be forgotten. On the other hand, is Hillary any better? The two of them should pave the way for Pennsylvania to finally choose a Republican in the fall.

I'M A NEWBIE

Several months ago my daughter encouraged me to start my own blog. I signed on, set up an account and then.....did nothing. I was intimidated by the whole process. I read the blogs that were posted by my daughter, Chrissy, and her friends and knew I would never be able to write so eloquently. This evening I decided to just do it. I'm not out to win a Pulitzer, for Pete's sake.

I imagine there will be many posts about my grandkids--two adorable little munchkins. I'm in PA, they're in WI. I see them as often as possible and fit lots of loving and spoiling in each visit as I can. The time I spend with them is nothing but sheer joy!

It's not football season so I won't be going off right now about the 'Stillers' or 'Mountaineers'. Had this blog been up and running the end of the football season, I would have made some very unlady-like comments about Michigan and a 'so-called' West Virginia guy.

NASCAR and Dale, Jr. could come up. Sorry, still can't cheer his team mates on and I still get a thrill when #24 hits the wall.

It's just hard to say what may show up on here. Now that I've got this first post under my belt, maybe I won't be so hesitant in the future. So I'm wondering, all you experienced bloggers out there, did you feel intimidated at the beginning, too?