The Nightmare Continues

My mom is still in ICU. Still on the ventilator, still fighting to survive.

On Tuesday morning the family received a phone call that she'd taken a turn for the worse. We all rushed to the hospital. Somehow I was the first to arrive. Mommy's doctor was with her, he told me how sorry he was; she was worse; her organs seemed to be shutting down. Once again my sisters and I lived through the nightmare of losing my mother.

My sisters all started arriving, one had brought my dad in with her. My heart broke for him. He and Mommy have been married for 60 years. He hugged all of us and stayed the trooper that he always is and always has been for us. It was a day of tears and fear. Daddy never left Mommy's room, he sat by her side and we all took turns going in and sitting with him.

Calling Chrissy, my daughter, was heart breaking for me. I didn't want to have to tell her what was happening to her 'Grandma Weezie'. If I didn't say the words, maybe it wasn't true. She took the news as I expected she would and also as expected, was a tremendous comfort to me.

Once again the risk manager for the hospital was called to be with the family. She told us, once again, how sorry she was and how hard Mommy had fought over the past two weeks. She once again tried to prepare us for the end.

Ministers from the Presbyterian and Baptist churches stopped by that day for visits. We all prayed and prepared ourselves what seemed to be the inevitable.

That night, Mommy was still hanging on. She was still fighting.

I prayed, knew that God's will would be done. I was afraid that he was ready for her, though. I wasn't ready for him to take her but prayed that I'd be given the strength to accept it. But, I told God that if he wasn't ready for her, then he should restore her health. I found out later that three of my sisters prayed the same prayer.

Since Tuesday, she continues to take 'baby steps' toward improvement. She's still not out of the woods but we're cautiously optimistic.

The ventilator has been slowly reduced from 100% to 40%. Her oxygen levels remain between 94 and 98%. The right lung that had collapsed has reinflated and the tube has been removed. The left lung is healing and no longer needs to be suctioned. Except for occasional instances, her heart rate is good and blood pressure remains stable. She's not fevered. When she opens her eyes, they appear more clear than previously.

Prayers are being heard and answered for her healing. I watch and wait. I am thankful for each 'baby step' she takes but am not celebrating, yet.

The celebration will come when I am able to once again have a conversation with my mom.